Wendy's Fright

Have you ever tried to eat while you are scared? It ain't easy let me tell ya.

Today Brianna and I stopped at Wendy's (her choice) for a bite to eat before heading down to Dayton to visit with family. We ordered and sat down in the back to eat. I chose the back because no one was there and we could eat in peace. It's kind of like walking into the movie theater and finding the best seats that aren't near anyone. We had those. I had finished my jr. bacon cheeseburger and was starting on my value menu chicken sandwich when a shadow fell across the table and I knew our space had been invaded.

Invaded it was. Sitting perpendicular to us was the intruder. With all the empty seats and tables available this was a peculiar choice for the invader. Again with the movie theater analogy - it is like sitting in an empty theater and having someone come in and sit right in front of you. Odd. So I peeked over. It was a quick peek. Very quick. GAH! I didn't know what to think. I know this is somebodies mom and grandma but I was scared. This lady had on makeup that was scary. More scary than Mimi from the Drew Carey Show.

I notice that Brianna had looked too because she was now facing the window trying to quickly swallow the bite she just took and to avoid eye contact with me. We both knew. It was time to go.

"Briannna, are you almost done there? If you want you can take it with you and eat in the car."

I looked again. She was staring at us with the face of a scary clown. I know you think I am exaggerating but I'm not. She was staring. Let's just say that metallic blue eye make up was nothing, even though it covered half her face, it was the lip makeup that did it. She had painted exaggerated black lines around the edge of her lips with something that probably resembled a Sharpie pen. Scary! Black on pale pink - not a good combo.

After was seemed like an eternity being stared at by Scary Clown Lady, and 50 questions to Brianna about the state of her food in like 30 seconds - "are you done" "are you sure you want those fries" - and the offer to have her eat in the car she relented. "Dad, maybe I can finish this in the car." "YES, you can." Whoosh. Off we went leaving Scary Clown Lady to stare at our empty seats.

Phew. Safe. The moment we passed the threshold of the front door and with the knowledge we couldn't be heard we turned to each other and said simultaneously "DID YOU SEE THAT?" and burst out laughing. I know I'll be punished for laughing but it was the kind of laugh you have after a fright that could take your life and I couldn't help it.

Gimme Some Sugar

I am not a control freak, but I do prefer to drive than to be a passenger. I probably speak more than I should in conversations. I'd rather do things myself so I know it is done right. That said, the one thing I know is that I don't like to be controlled.

There is one thing in my life that has more control over me than it should - my desire for sugar. I just can't seem to get enough. If sugar was meth I'd be a full blown, on the street, begging for money, addict.

My drawer at work often resembles the candy aisle at Walgreen's. It is often stuffed with the likes of Hot Tamales, Gummy Worms or Bears, M&M's, Jujyfruits, Mike & Ikes, Starbursts, Milk Duds, Skittles, and the like. Currently there are a handful of cigar shaped bubble gums (so far untouched). My boss often will come in and rummage through my drawers looking for my latest hiding spot. I do hide it because of him and he rarely finds it. I think his lack of self-control may rival mine.

So this past week I decide to go on a sugar and caffeine fast. I have no set length of time in mind, I just want to show myself that I don't need it and that it does not control me. I also hope to break the quantity and frequency of my sugar and caffeine intake. So far so good.

This week there have been many temptations. Today, for example, a lady from Costco stopped by to give us information packages about potential memberships to the club and with that she left a box of brownie bites. I didn't eat a single one. I resisted soda at Five Guys, pie and candy at my sisters, and the coup de gras - the candy aisle at Walgreens. I went there and by habit walked through it and said out loud to the candy (cause I know it can hear me) "not today boys!"

Today is day seven. The journey continues.

Pool Cool

After meeting my brother Kevin (who now lives in TN) at Five Guys *burp* for dinner I ventured out to set up our new pool (thanks Daniel). It is a 12' x 3' above ground pool - just enough to keep cool in on hot days. This undertaking was a little more than I anticipated. But when the box says "easy set up" I say okay! I'm not feeling well but it is "easy set up" and I'll be a rock star to my kids. Well I say "easy set up" my ass! It was a pain in the...

First you have to level the ground - it is 12' across people - that is almost 144 square feet of ground you have to level. If it is off a hair the pool will know - yes, the pool will know. This I found out when all the water runs to one side. According to the "east set up" directions, this is a problem. Fortunately I only put a couple inches of water in so I was able to lift the pool and move the pebbles around a bit. After two hours which felt like two years - the ground was level. Or at least as level as I was going to get it without a team from ODOT.

Second you've got to fill it. City water ain't cheap. It'll cost more to fill the pool than it did to buy the thing.

The kids are very excited about having a pool. Owen on the other hand is not. There was a lot of sniffing and growling and running away. I think what he really needs to fear is the kids desire to put him in the pool once it is up and running. There was no wagging of the tail tonight.

The hose has been running for over two hours now and the pool is barely filled. I just can't wait until this months water bill.

Community

Tonight when I took Alex to his taekwondo class I had planned to sit in the park and read. Plans change.

Downtown Hillsboro was having a little party. There were vendors and music and cars and lots-o-people in the streets. So I took it in. As Carlee Smith sang her sweet tunes I was treated to a bit of people watching and a cappuccino.

Dudes were standing around talking about their cars that were on show; gals stood aside talking about whatever they talk about when their dudes are engrossed in dude stuff.

Lots of dogs. Small and horse-like.

Teenagers were trying to be cool.

Vendors were vending. Fruit, massages, crafts, palm readings, and more fruit.

Diners dining - I had just had dinner but could've eaten again.

It was nice to see people out enjoying themselves on a Tuesday night. It is a regular thing so I'll be there again to do whatever it was I was doing there.

Dear Allergies,

We've been together for almost 41 years and it's about time we talk honestly. I'm tired. Tired of the way you make me feel. All the tears I've shed and itches I've scratched over the years has finally taken its toll on me. I'm done. Calling it quits. I think it is time for you to move on. I'd say "it's not you, it's me" but that is a lie - it is most definitely you.

I know this may be hard for you to take and it may come as a surprise but that is too bad. When you leave I will feel no sense of loss or remorse, that is how far I've come in my disdain for you. Our relationship is done, kaput, over! I won't miss the running, stuffed up nose or the itchy eyes. As a matter of fact there is nothing you bring to the table that I will miss.

So I am asking that you pack your bags and hit the road. There is no need for goodbye's, no last minute sneezes, and no explanations - just go.

Your host,

Brian

PS - While you're at it, why don't you take your friend Asthma with you.

Mouse War

Okay it really wasn't a war.  

Tonight Alex comes running down the stairs to let me know that two of the neighbor kids just kicked a dead mouse up on our porch.  I waited a few minutes and then went to verify the mouse attack.  It was true.  Hey! NO ONE throws a dead mouse on my porch and gets away with it.

I got a piece of paper out of the recycle bin, went out to the carcass, and scooped it up with the intention of paying the kids a visit with their discarded friend.  A small hoard of them were gathered on a neighboring lawn.  Eyes widened as I approached with the stiff.  The two instigators were cool customers.  

I asked them if they wanted it back and the two looked as if they had no idea what I was talking about.  One of the girls who is a friend of my daughters pointed out one of the boys I already knew was involved.  So I tossed the mouse carcass onto the lawn next to him and said to him that I didn't want it back.

When I got back in the house I went to put the boy to bed.  After I kissed him good night he said, "Dad, when you threw the mouse at them it was really cool."  Glad I could impress my kid.

Slurpee Season

Although it is raining today Alex and I walked to 7-11 and got Slurpees.  After they tried faking me out with banana flavor in a dispenser marked as Mountain Dew I ended up with a Coke flavored one while Alex stuck with the banana.  On our walk back it poured and the thunder started.  We got a little wet but the Slurpee is always worth it.

We found that Owen also enjoys the Slurpee.

Overheard when we got home:

"Dad, we should have got mom that thing we saw."

"We ARE NOT buying mom her Mother's Day gift at 7-11"

Thread Count vs. Weight

I love it when it is cold.  Especially at night.  We keep our window open a crack to let the cold in.

The other night I heard an interview with a celebrity who talked about how his success has earned him a better thread count in his sheets.  I for one couldn't tell you what our thread count is in our sheets.  To me thread count is unimportant.  What is important is weight.  Not thread weight but overall sheet, blanket, and covers weight.

Call it some Freudian "want to be back in the womb" thing if you want but I love it when it is cold and I can pile on the weight.  The more the better.  You know the lead apron they put on you at the dentist when taking x-rays?  Well I love that part.  For all I care they can leave that on the whole time.  Maybe next time I'll ask them to.

So take your silky sheets and high thread count and give me the heavy weight of piled on blankets.

Toby Mac

We took our kids to their first concert tonight. Toby Mac was part of Luis Palau's Portland CityFest so we went and saw him perform. We had a great time. Thanks to the Villa's we weren't stuck on the backside watching it on a big screen. It was a bit tough to see over the crowd but the excitement of being their live worked.
Toby and crew put on a great show. They played the hits, sang, danced, and performed their hip-hop hearts out.

During the day we were helping some friends at their new house painting, cleaning, installing toilets, etc. So by the end of the concert the kids were bushed. Since it was going to be a mad house on the MAX I took the family on a little walk down to the Skidmore stop to get on the train. This little move paid off. In the next two stops the train filled up to capacity.

Fighting Weight

For the past 9 months I've been watching my weight. I've never felt like I've been huge, fat, or obese but I figured I might as well be conscious of my weight. WeightWatchers says the target weight for my height and age should be 187. Hah! That is unlikely. My Body Mass Index (BMI) should be 18.5-24.9 but is currently at 28. To get my BMI down to 24.9 I'll have to get down to 194. I don't see it happening.

So what do I weigh? First let me tell you that a year ago I was topped out at 232. That is the heaviest I've ever weighed and hopefully ever will weigh. My current weight is 218.

How did I do it? No exercise was involved unfortunately. If I add that to the equation I will probably do better and be healthier. I've done it by eating less and eating better. The eating less is the hard part. Kathi is an amazing cook so it is hard to put the fork down on one of her fabulous meals. Not being a very disciplined person it is hard to say "enough" when I'm sitting at the table.

The exercise part is hard. I am soft and flabby but would like to be cut and firm. My heart is what needs the work most. Now that I'm 40 things like this pop into my head more often. I'd like to live long enough to walk Brianna down the aisle and to see Alex in his first major box office hit.

For now I will be content in my weight loss accomplishment thus far. My goal is to hit 210 and level out. 205 would be nice but donuts are so good.

Kazooing

Today we brought the kids and a friend to downtown Hillsboro for a fun event that included an attempt to set a Guinness World Record for the largest Kazoo ensemble. Make fun if you will, as many of you have, but it was a fun event. The kids had a great time. The organizers did a wonderful job. Main Street was closed off and filled with booths of food, crafts, entertainers, sponsors, and community representatives. The farmers market was also going on at the same time. Thank you Westport Church for providing the hospitality.

When noon came around we stood with thousands of others, kazoos at ready, for the chance to be part of a World Record. I have not yet confirmed that the record was set. The organizers were hoping for 5,301 participants. It was hard to tell how many were there.

One of the entertainers that were there were Taiko drummers. This is a Japanese performance art that is just beautiful to watch and hear. It combines rhythmic drumming with dance and choreography.

The entertainment didn't end when we left the event. For lunch we stopped at Amy's Burger Shack. Totally yummy. Some of the best fries I've had in a while. During lunch Brianna's friend Emma treated us to her finger puppets. It was too much. This girl had Kathi and I in stitches with her rubber-bendy fingers. Not only did we get a good laugh we got lessons. I now know how to make a little creature with my fingers. Mom will be proud. Here is a little sample of her art, an animal hitting a window.

As we walked out to the car after lunch Emma announced that she was working on a walrus.

I'm so tired.

Saying that I chuckle at the memory of Madeline Kahn's brilliant performance in Blazing Saddles.

But really, I am tired.

Blazing Saddles, if you haven't seen it, is comic genius.

Terribly tired.

And if you think worse of me for liking that movie, actually holding in my top 10, then too bad. I'm too tired to care.

Hawaii calls. Jim, Susan, got any hot job leads?

Time To Serve

For 22 years I've dodged the jury duty bullet. On July 23rd, two days after I turn 40, that will all change. I've been summoned. After all these years the random name generator found me. As a white gun carrying Christian conservative republitarian what are the odds I'd ever get selected for a jury? Probably the same odds as Ralph Nader becoming our next President.

So Jury Duty is one more thing to cross off my "never has happened to me" list. Next I'll probably get stung by a bee. That list will just get shorter and shorter.

Corporate Takeover

Corporations have taken over just about everything. Is the church next?



Thanks Michele.

At the Foot of it all

Today amongst much contemplation I thought about one of God's greatest creations... my feet.

They provide me with balance.

Although my toes barely work independently of each other they are independent parts.

My heel has natural cushion and is prepared for impact.

The arch is sensitive and the most ticklish part.

The broken toe sticks out funny but has the most character.

I like my feet, dry and ugly as they are, I'd miss them if they were gone.

Saturday's Are Too Short

Today I didn't get to sleep in like usual.  Bummer.  I look forward to the one day when I can wake up when I please (Thank you Kathi).  Today however was the AWANA Grand Prix.  It is a pine wood derby that we do every year with the kids.  It started at nine so I had to get up and shower. By the time is was over (12:48) it felt like most of the day was gone.  Kathi had a baby shower and Brianna was going to spend the day at a friends so it was just Alex and I (and Owen).  Between keeping Owen from chewing up the house and/or peeing on the floor we didn't have much rest.  After a bit I got a little winded of that so we put him in the kennel and took off for an hour.  This may not have been the best idea because when we got back he was out of control wild with energy.  

Tomorrow is full of events and things to do so rest will be short also.  Then of course comes Monday.  Oh, the dreaded Monday.  

I vote that Saturdays get extended by about 10 hours.  I bet Ron Paul would do it for me.

Picture of the Day

There is a tennis ball back in the corner behind the couch so the little guy went to get it. A bit of commando crawling and he was in. The ball however proves to be a bit elusive.

Change is Coming!

I am not sure in what form but there is some change coming. Soon, I hope.

I've been at my current job for about 10 years. Maybe it's that..

I'm lopsided with one tattoo on my right shoulder. Maybe it's time for #2...

My Camry is celebrating 13 years on the road. Anyone got some cash I could have for an Acura TL?

My Buell has rested for 2 years. Maybe a sunny day is near...

We've lived in this neighborhood for 7ish years. Who knows...

Adopt a kid?

Something...

Anything...

I think change is coming.

Praying. Hoping. Expecting. Anticipating.

Image Search

Just for fun I did a Google image search on my last name. I figured for the most part I would get a bunch of John Bonham and Helena Bonham-Carter photo's, and I did. But one photo stuck out.

The caption on the web reads: View looking towards Lambert Road and St. Saviour's Church from Bonham Road. It is in a borough of London.

I kept going and found this one too:

This is a photo of the birth place of James Butler Bonham, the hero of the Alamo, as the website states it.

I just thought these were cool photos.

Search your family name in the images and see what you get.

You Might Be From The Northwest If...

(this is from an old email I had saved because it is funny... and true)

…Feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.

…Use the expression: "sun break" and know what it means.

…Know more than 10 ways to order coffee.

…Know more people who own boats than air conditioners.

…Feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.

…Stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal.

…Consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it's not a real mountain.

…Complain about Californians, as you sell your house for twice its value to one.

…Know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon.

…Know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, Clatskanie and Willamette.

…Consider swimming an indoor sport.

…Can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.

…In winter, go to work in the dark and come home in the dark - while only working 8-hour days.

…Obey all traffic laws except "Keep right except to pass."

…Never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.

…Are not fazed by "Today's Forecast: showers followed by rain" and "Tomorrow's Forecast: rain followed by showers."

…Can't wait for a day with "Showers and sun breaks."

…Have no concept of humidity without precipitation.

…Can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best Coffee, and Veneto's.

…Know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.

…Can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you can't see through the cloud cover.

…Say "the mountain is out" when it's a pretty day and you can actually see it.

…Feel like you've grown up with Bill Gates and can't quite figure out why people can be so mean to him.

…Put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.

…Switch to your sandals when it gets above 60, but keep the socks on.

…Have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.

…Think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.

…Knew immediately that the view out Frasier's window was fake.

AND…

…You know you're from the NW if you buy new sunglasses every year, because you can't find the old ones after such a long time.