The following is an edited (for vulgarity and stupidity) version of one of the funniest emails I have seen in a long time... enjoy.
Fact:
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of
himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the [heck] down.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park here.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.






I love to read things like this.Five years ago I came to believe in Christ’s teaching, and my life suddenly changed; I ceased to desire what I had previously desired, and began to desire what I formerly did not want. What had previously seemed to me good seemed evil, and what had seemed evil seemed good. It happened to me as it happens to a man who goes out on some business and on the way suddenly decides that the business is unnecessary and returns home. All that was on his right is now on his left, and all that was on his left is now on his right; his former wish to get as far as possible from home has changed into a wish to be as near as possible to it. The direction of my life and my desires became different and good and evil changed places…
I, like that thief on the cross, have believed Christ’s teaching and been saved. And this is no far-fetched comparison, but the closest expression of the condition of spiritual despair and horror at the problem of life and death in which I lived formerly, and of the condition of peace and happiness in which I am now. I, like the thief, knew that I had lived and was living badly… I, like the thief, knew that I was unhappy and suffering… I, like the thief to the cross, was nailed by some force to that life of suffering and evil. And as, after the meaningless sufferings and evils of life, the thief awaited the terrible darkness of death, so did I await the same thing.
In all this I was exactly like the thief, but the difference was that the thief was already dying, while I was still living. The thief might believe that his salvation lay there beyond the grave, but I could not be satisfied with that, because besides a life beyond the grave life still awaited me here. But I did not understand that life. It seemed to me terrible. And suddenly I heard the words of Christ and understood them, and life and death ceased to seem to me evil, and instead of despair I experienced happiness and the joy of life undisturbed by death.- Leo Tolstoy
Tolstoy, Leo, What I Believe, Introduction,
trans. Aylmenr Maude, in A Diary of Readings, ed. John Baillie (New York: Collier Books, 1955), 38.
Try yours...
Yesterday I heard that President Bush wants to set aside 7.1 Billion dollars to help with the possiblity of a bird flu pandemic. Newsweek reports on the potential cost of this disease. There are reports that the US could restrict travel. Bloomberg reports the threat may spur recommended vaccinations for all. And people all over the world are destroying birds.
Have any of these people promoting the pandemic consulted the CDC?
Exerpts from their website:
Does this sound like something we should be setting aside 7.1 Billion dollars for?
I know that Disney is a powerful company and a major influence on our culture but is this all part of a promotion for their Chicken Little movie? I mean please, is the sky falling? Or is this a wacked way of spurning our economy? Anybody remember the SARS scare? What happened to that?

Good one Kev!

First, you will notice the wood paneling; this gives us the comfy wood cabin feel Kramer was searching for on Seinfeld. Or is it the 70's smoky office feel of Barney Miller. Not sure.
The second thing you may notice is that the computer monitor takes up a bunch of real estate. It is a bit of a beast but it's 21" corner to corner screen allows me to have lots of things going on at the same time. Multitasking. I am hinting around about the 23" flat panel from Apple.
Third, comes the clutter. Yep. Sorry Mom, old habits are hard to break. But you must know that there is a lot going on here and I need things accessible.
I have adorned my office with touches of home; photo's of the family, the kids art work, gifts from siblings, etc. They are things that remind me why I do what I do and why I sit here for so long suffering the curse of Adam from Genesis 3.
Got a picture of your office? I'd love to see it.

*** Not sure how to get the best photo's on my digital in the dark *** Due to budget & time contraints I had to by pass the Chevelle show tonight at the Roseland. Maybe next time.
I need to find a career in the music biz...
