Will The Real Badger Please Stand Up?

This is the guy.

The cause for much fun and frivolity in the office this week. What we learned is that even if you know it's around it can still startle you. We had a couple repeat victims in the bathroom today. We also learned that our bookkeeper can't pee with the badger staring at her.

There are certain people who can't be in on practical jokes. One of the bosses heard that I had it set up to get the IT guy. He (the boss) couldn't wait, he had to prompt it. It failed miserably. Even after I told him it wouldn't work and asked him not to say anything, he went ahead and said something. It went something like this:

Boss: "Hey IT guy, I've got something I need your help with in the server room." (first clue it'll fail because the boss has no business in the server room)

IT Guy: "Ok"

I know it's going to fail so I head downstairs.

IT guy enters the server room, where the badger is hidden mostly under his motorcycle jacket, as the boss waits outside.

IT Guy: "So, what did you need?" (he doesn't see it, because he's not supposed to until he grabs his jacket)

Boss: "Uh... well..." (oops, should have been prepared with an answer)

IT Guy: "So?"

Boss: "Hey Bonham, where is it?"

IT Guy: "Oh, are you trying to get me with the badger?"

I grumble as I walk down the stairs.

Later IT Guy admits that it would have scared him if he found it later.

Thanks boss.

When it comes to practical jokes, patience pays.

Badger Day

Without an audio recording there is no way for me to get this post right. It is truly a "you had to be there" post but I'll do my best.

Imagine walking into a bathroom and seeing a badger.


There has been a little practical joke war going on in the office between our receptionist and one of the guys in the warehouse. I'm not quite sure how it started but it has been fun to watch. I learned about it when I saw Warehouse Guy's clip board and noticed that it was decorated with puff paint flowers in pink & purple.

Today the war was escalated. I was holed up in the conference room for a good portion of the day. The purchasing guy took a potty break and when he came back he was beside himself. He told us that there was a stuffed badger in the bathroom that scared the crap out of him. We found out that the badger was placed in the bathroom by our receptionist who was the first victim of the cleverly placed badger. Mind you it is a real badger stuffed by a taxidermist not a stuffed toy.

Later I was in my office and heard this loud "aaaahhhh". It was my boss. He walked in on the badger. Ah ha ha. I about passed out from laughing so hard. I knew exactly what happened. Such a good little badger.

The badger was the talk of the day, as was the bosses "aaaahhhh" which he understates as a loud sigh. Well, I am here to tell you that I was one floor down and three offices away and I heard it.

If you aren't getting the funnyness of this that is because you had to be there.

Dinner In The Sky

Okay so check this out. My sister Mo sent an email out today with pictures of this event. Unreal. How would you like to eat here?

Click on the link above and check out the pictures page. Very cool idea.

If my quick in the head addition and currency conversion is accurate you would be looking at a $15,000 bill.

Brian's Needs

So I got this little game from Kathi who got it from Tracey.

Google you name plus the word "needs" after it to see what you come up with. This is what I need:

• Brian needs to workout! - am I on candid camera?
• Brian needs to communicate more effectively and stop being negative. - Get off my frick'n back! How's that for communication?
• Brian needs food, badly. - Uh, see the first need.
• Brian Needs a New Mac - But none of my cool software will work on it...
• Brian.Needs.A.Job - How 'bout that?
• Brian [needs stimulation] - That's a little creepy.
• Brian needs…absolutely nothing, he’s perfect just the way he is! - Yes! or no.
• Brian Needs More than the Regular School Year. - NO CHANCE!
• Brian Needs Love Too!! - Yes I do.
  
• Brian Needs to Wipe Again. - Eww!

I types them as I sees them.

House Plans

If I was to be able to afford to sit down and design a house for my family I would put in as many secret passageways & rooms as I could. I always thought this would be cool.

As a kid my grandma's house had a closet that had an entrance in the hallway and from a bedroom. It wasn't secret but it was still cool. We'd run through it and hide in it and scare each other in it.

I'd love to pull a book down on a shelf to open a secret passage behind the bookshelf. This secret passage would lead to a secret room that only we would know about.

Trapdoors would probably be an essential too. Pull back the rug and wa-la there it is the entrance to a passageway that leads to the shed.

Speaking of Old...

Tonight between 9 and 11 I will kick back and relax to the new Knight Rider. It will probably not be a regular watch but I thought I'd check it out for old times sake.

Old Bands are New Bands

Some of the oldies and goodies are coming back. I saw in the paper today that The Police will be in Washington with Elvis Costello for a live concert. I also read that the B-52's are putting out another album. R.E.M. has new music coming out on 4/1/08.

In the last couple years I've seen Queen (with Paul Rogers singing) and Guns & Roses (aka just Axl Rose and some other guys) in concert. Van Halen was in town a few months ago for a live gig. And I heard that Led Zepplin is doing a show in London (sans John Bonham of course). There are probably many more out there that are doing things but these are the ones that stick out in my head.

The news that I read that made me want to post this little diddy is this ---> EXTREME is back together and is working on a new album! Oh yeah! I know one house that will own a copy. Some of you may snicker but I loved these guys back in the day. Back in college I had hallmates that used to blast these guys down the hall for all to hear. I never complained.

Confession

I am loving American Gladiator!

I watched the original and I am watching the new one. As a matter of fact we watch it together as a family. It is totally kid friendly and my kids get into it. My daughter squeals when Titan shakes his thighs. The other night Brianna was at a friends house and was due home at 7 and Alex kept saying "I can't wait until Brianna gets home". So I asked him "Why? Because you miss her?" and he says "No Dad! So we can watch Gladiator." "Oh."

Favorite new Gladiators:

• Titan - His sportsmanship and postive attitude is great.
• Crush - She is a cutie who could easily kick my arse.
• Wolf - Duh! He is just too fun. I love his taunting.

Sunday night is the final and since we have church that evening we will be taping it. Yes I said taping! Get off my back.

Do you watch?

Driving Daze

I used to like driving. I may still.

Lately I just find myself just wanting to get there. I have a half an hour commute each way to and from work. In the past I thought of this as my time. I'd listen to music, podcasts, silence, pray, think, or whatever caught my fancy. Now it is greuling. I just want to get there.

Move out of my way you slow ass people I've got somewhere to get to.

I don't know why but I've got the driving blues. I let my wife drive now when we go places 'cause I just don't want to.

It isn't my car. I really like my car. Which by the way just turned 180,000 miles old. 150,000 of those miles driven by me.

I just don't know. Maybe someday I'll be able to use a transporter like on Star Trek.

November's Coming

If in November it comes down to McCain vs. Clinton or McCain vs. Obama I won't be voting.

Seriously.

It's no lesser of two evils or Democrat vs. Republican. It is same vs. same. Who cares. At that point it won't matter who wins. As much as they say they are agents of change they are not. They are all the same. Four years from now nothing will be different. Nothing. Except that we'll be four years older.

I am a huge proponent of the democratic system but I think it is getting a bit stale in the American political system. That is why I am supporting Ron Paul. Just because he is not in the lead I will not give up on him. Run Ron, Run.

Home Safe

Brrr! We made it home early this morning. Thanks Mrs. Villa for the ride, you are too kind.

After the red-eye a four hour nap was due.

Honestly not a single complaint about the trip worth speaking. I guess if I had to speak one it would be the lack of sleep due to my daughters sleep talking. She talked, shouted, and cried in her sleep. I never knew she was so bad.

We had a spectacular time all-in-all. The big island is a beautiful place with lot's to see.

The last day of the trip was spent at the beach playing and snorkeling before heading home to catch the last three quarters of the big game. The last snorkeling spot was my favorite. Lots of areas to explore with plenty of wildlife to see.

As much as I try not to think of it, tomorrow it is back to work. Yuck. I could get used to this not working gig.

Last Day

Today is our last day in Hawaii. We leave late tonight on the red-eye back to Portland.

Yesterday we went to the north end of the island to see the Waipi'o Valley but were washed out by the rain. The Hilo side got 18.5 inches in 24 hours yesterday. Below is a picture of the valley as far as we could see it.

We stopped by the beach were Lorretta Lynn's house is (or was since she no longer lives there). The kids played for a bit in the surf before we headed off to the market.

Big treats! The local favorite... shaved ice.
Our Hawaiian kids with Aunt Sue & Uncle Jim.

I gave underwater photography a try with a disposable camera. The results are less than what I expected. There is no focus so you get what you get, plus it is hard to aim the camera as you will see.

Here's Alex giving the thumbs up to snorkeling.
Here is the girl.
This is a small example of some of the fish we saw.
Here is Kathi & her mom with one of the many turtles we saw.

We have had a great time and are already planning our next visit. Well it's off to the beach for the last time this trip. Hopefully everone else will be focused on the big game and leave the beach to us.

Another Good Day

Guess what... we went to the beach today. Here it is. The kids played with mom and uncle Jim in the sand.


I had a rest after some snorkeling.

This is an example of Hawaiian graffiti. It is white coral on the black lava. You see it all along the roadside. People send out greeting and messages to others or just leave their names.
Here the kids are playing with poi balls before the luau we went to tonight.

Here's Kathi goofing off with the poi balls.
This is the pig being uncovered from the dirt oven it was cooked in. Brianna couldn't watch, she was afraid to see a giant dead pig.

The luau was quite fun. Due to the combination of darkness and a small camera I didn't get any photos of the dancers. I am sure Kathi is upset I didn't get a photo of the Samoan fire dancer. She was quite taken with him. She'll live.

I am sure tomorrow will bring another adventure.

Today in Hawaii

Today was a very busy day with lots of driving. We started out just about 7am and drove to the Hilo (east) side of the island. The first stop was Akaka Falls.

Then we stopped in Hilo for brunch at Ken's House of Pancakes. Yummy food. As you can see Alex was loving the hot chocolate.
After Ken's we headed out to Kilauea. We didn't see any active lava flows but the view was amazing. There were craters, steam vents and old lava flows that were amazing.
Some of us took naps in between stops.
We took a long drive on a curvy one lane road to take a short hike to see... well not much. We could have skipped this drive. It's a "you had to be there moment".
We hiked a lava tube.
We stopped at a black sand beach and saw a few sea turtles (Honu) sunning themselves.
The final stop was at the Kona Brewery for pizza and beer. Deliciouso!

Yesterday in Hawaii

Yesterday we went sailing to see some whales. And whales we saw. I don't have any pictures of them but plenty of video which I'll have to upload later. The tour was courtesy of Red Sail Sports who did a great job. If you come to Hawaii I recommend them. They didn't just show us one whale they took us around and we saw tons. Literally. Momma whales with there young, playful whales, slow moving hard to see whales, waving whales, etc.

Here are some photo's of the fam enjoying the tour.




This was the catameran that we were on.

Afterwards we hung at the beach and swam and snorkeled. Later that evening Kathi & I took Jim & Susan out for dinner at Huggo's. It was very yummy. I had the crab crusted Ono and the wasabi macadamia mashed potatoes. The atmosphere was open air and right on the water. Very cool. Very Hawaii. Portland could do the food but not the atmosphere except maybe in the summer.

It's rough when your day on the beach ends with a picture like this.

Hawai'i. I Recommend It

If you haven't been, you must come. They've got...

Great Coffee!
Interesting History!
Fun Wildlife!
Places to Explore!
Restaurants with Amazing Views!
And Tons of Places to Relax and Enjoy!

West & Relaxation

So I've learned that the west side of the island is the side to be on for the weather. On the east side it has been raining everyday. On the west side we are enjoying sunshine everyday. Although yesterday we were subject to some pretty serious winds. The first beach we went to we left immediately due to the sandblasting. The second beach, just south of Hapuna, was more sheltered so we camped out there.Alex and Brianna floated out on the boogie boards patiently waiting for the elusive waves.



Despite his injury on the first day out snorkeling Alex has been a real trooper.

He slipped on the rock and gashed his heel. The lifeguards were very helpful in bandaging him up. Now it is my duty to doctor him.

This is the sunset from our first night at Jim & Susan's house (taken off their lana'i).

More to come...

Aloha

We made it.

And Vacation Begins

Officially at 5:30PM today!!!

If you didn't know, the Bonham family is heading to Hawaii. It will be our first time there. We will be on the island of Hawaii in the city of Kona. For ten days we will take in as much of the island as we can.

Since we've been married the only full vacation we've taken that hasn't been to see family, do a mission trip, or take part in a youth trip has been our honeymoon. This trip is no exception. We will be meeting up with my in-laws at Kathi's sisters house in Kona. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a bad thing, we love to see family. I've got great in-laws and look forward to seeing them. We haven't seen Kathi's sister and her husband for a lot of years and look forward to catching up with them since their move to Hawaii. The advantage of this trip over all the other "going to see family" trips is the location. Sorry folks but Hawaii beats out Illinois any day of the week.

Many of our vacations are long weekends camping. Since it isn't a full week I don't count these as full vacations, they are mini vacations. We enjoy these very much and plan to do more of them this year. One of them I will be booking while we are in Hawaii, a trip to the Redwoods with the Villa's (cool peeps). We also have a mega-multi-family camping trip at Detroit Lake to look forward to. There is a possibility of another full vacation in the fall to SoCal. I'd like to take the kiddo's to D-land before it loses its magic.

As modern day cool peeps we'll be bringing the laptop and cameras so we can keep you up to date on our island shenanigans.

More to come...

Still Living

The past two weeks have been rough. This being sick thing has thrown me off my game. But I am glad to say that I am still amongst the living.

Two weekends ago I had the pleasure of going snow camping for the first time with my friend Mark and his son Jared. We had a great time. I think the combination of this trip and being around sick people the week before was the catalyst for how bad I got this cold.

On the trip we hiked up White River Canyon on Mt. Hood for a couple of miles and then made camp. I was dying on the hike in. I knew I was out of shape but didn't realize how bad. The weight on my back combined with the altitude did not help the situation.

Camp was beautiful.
Here we are all warm, cozy, & tough.

On Saturday Mark & I snow shoe'd a bit further up the mountain. It is so quiet and picturesque on the mountain. My camera was giving me fits so I didn't get a lot of good photos or I'd show you how lovely it is. I learned that in order for my camera to work it had to be warm so the shots I did get I got after holding the camera in my armpit for a while.

I believe we got a total of 20" of snow while we were out.

I would like to do this again but before I do will need to get in a little better condition.

Being Sick Sucks!!!

I've felt shitty all week. The amount of sick days I took in the last three years (sans the two bike related ones) can be counted on one finger. In other words I don't get sick very often. This illness is chalked up to co-workers who came in sick the week before I was sick followed up by a snow camping trip. This combination does not work well.

"Brian, oh my you used a cuss word!"

Yes I did.

"You must feel real bad then"

Yes I do.

Do you want to know how bad?

"Yes we do."

I feel so shitty that:

• I've owed people an email or two for a week and haven't sent one.
• I've not returned a single phone call.
• There are conversations that need to happen with a few people that haven't.
• Adobe CS3 Master Suite Collection has been on three of my computers for a week now and I haven't touched it.
• I can't sleep for any lengthy period of time because I wake up coughing.
• This blog post is the most complete thing I've done all week.
• I am going to lay down on the couch and watch Alex play his Star Wars Lego game on the PS2 and I'll enjoy it.
• Last night I coughed so hard I threw up my dinner. Shortly followed by Brianna saying "Wow, I've never heard anyone throw up before."
• I've lost my voice from all the hacking and I found out that when a man has his lost voice it isn't as sexy as when some women get that Kathleen Turner sexy voice when they are sick.
  

I'm not looking for sympathy. I just wanted to bitch a bit.

A plea to Ms. Rowling. Don't! You ended it well.

Pirates Ending

Kathi and I watched the third installment of The Pirates of the Caribbean last night. The only reason I sat through the whole thing was for closure.

The final (hopefully) movie in the series is subtitled At World's End. The subtitle should have been A Long Disconnected Bore. The feeling I got while watching the movie was that the creators were bored doing this series and just wanted it to be done. The first movie was good. You could feel the excitement of the creators wanting to do justice to one of the classic rides at Disneyland. The second movie gave the feeling of a sequel that was forced due to the success of its predecessor. And the third was made only to give finality to the second movie which ended in the middle of a story.

The movie was rated PG-13 and is not for kids. It starts out with the hanging of scores of people, including a child. They show the gallows and necks being put in the noose, the hangman pulling a lever, and then from below the show the legs and feet of the hanged jerk and twitch. This is definitely not for kids. Way to go Disney. They also show a lady being shot in the forehead at point blank range. Was that really necessary? The creators have to know that people are going to bring kids to see these. My kids are mad because we aren't letting them see it. They just don't realize the torture we are saving them from; both the violent scenes and the boring movie.

The story was full of assumptions and missing information for the viewer. You felt like there was something you were missing in the conversations between different characters that were plotting and aligning. They were in on something that you weren't and that you would eventually find out but don't. I am typically pretty good at following these types of plots, maybe it was the late night or the martini early on but I was lost.

It is rare for a movie series to do well into the third installment. There are exceptions like The Lord of the Rings, the original Star Wars and The Bourne series but most peter out and die. One that is still in the works that I am hoping is among the former is The Chronicles of Narnia. The second movie comes out in 2008 and I am looking forward to it.

For now my love for Pirates will stay with the first and only the first movie in the series. The second two I will wipe from my mind and forget.

The Weather Outside is Frightful

I know I've written about my feelings in the past about Weather People but here's another short rant.

Yesterday at work everyone got excited about a Heavy Snow Warning in our area. They (when I say 'they' I mean the Weather people) said that we would get 3 - 6 inches on the valley floor and warned drivers to stay home unless absolutely necessary. Yikes! With a warning like that who would get up early to go to work? Me. I woke up at six in the morning a looked out the window at the rain. No Snow. Rain.

My drive to work was uneventful. I checked the forcast again and it said that the warning was still in effect but was delayed until later in the day. Later in the day it still rained. Rain. No snow. All day this went on until I drove home... in the rain.

So here is what I think... God doesn't watch sitcoms, he watches the weather channel and laughs saying "oh, is that what's going to happen... ha! ha! haa! you thing your so smart. just keep trying to figure my creation out."

The best was during my drive home the news actually tried to set aside the missed forecast by saying that sometimes the mixture of cold weather and percipitation doesn't always make for snow. Cold weather? It was 38 degrees. Not cold enough to snow.

So Weather Peeps. Get on it. God isn't going to let you guess that easy so next time go easy on the quick weather warnings and save us all some false hope of a day at home watching the snow fall while the kids giggle and scream for joy.

Merry Christmas

What a great day to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior.

It is snowing!

I got an email from and old friend!

I don't have to work!

We are spending the day as a family and with some friends!

Kathi is a great cook!

Thank you Lord for the blessings in our life.

Merry Christmas to you and yours. May the Lord bless and keep you.

Some Nuts Are Hard To Crack

Fat Guy and a Sub

I don't understand Subway's new ad campaign. A number of years ago they introduced us to Jared, a normal everyday fat guy who used Subway as a weight loss program. For years skinny Jared has been the face of Subway. Now we've got big fat Peter Griffin from the hit series Family Guy. I've seen Family Guy a few times. It is funny but very crass and over the top and definitely not for the family.

So we've got a fat cartoon character from a not so family friendly cartoon series promoting a family friendly healthy alternative for fast food. I just don't understand why Subway decided to go this direction. Homer Simpson promoting donuts, that I get.

Does seeing a fat guy promoting this sandwich make you want to eat one? Not me. They've even changed the kids menu to provide relatively healthy sides like yogurt and apple slices instead of chips. How do you reconcile the two? A fat guy and a "healthy" food. I am at a loss.

Resolutions

First let me say that I've never been a big New Year's Resolution kinda guy. I think this year might be a little different. There are some passions and/or hobbies that I've let go of over the years and I think this year I am going to rekindle those passions.

As a kid I used to draw and create, I don't do much of that anymore. People always told me that I had a natural talent and that I should pursue doing more. Most of them were my family, some of which still egg me on. So this year I am going to start drawing more. I bought a nice set of colored pencils that should help get me started. The one decision on this subject I haven't made is whether or not I will be sharing this art work. I'll let you know.

The first year after I graduated from college I learned how to shoot. Not pictures but guns. Oh boy are they fun. Don't jump up and get all "guns-kill" on my butt. I kill paper targets. Kill 'em dead. My hard and fast rule is if I can't gut, clean and section it I can't kill it. So I don't hunt. Blood and guts are not my thing. The paper targets I shoot don't have feelings, blood, or guts so I shoot away. The other nice thing is that they don't shoot back. Shooting is a challenge and harder than most people might think. So this year I am going to make a bigger effort to get to the range and practice shooting.

The other kind of shooting is another thing I'd like to do more of. Yes, the picture kind of shooting. Right now I have a small digital camera that does not lend to much creative manipulation so I may start saving for a digital SLR. In high school and college I used to do quite a bit and now really only take snapshots of the family. Like many of the hobbies I've had over the years this one isn't free. The start up for me will be about $2K to get the camera I like.

The last thing isn't really a hobby or passion but more a necessity for longevity. Exercise. Kathi and I are thinking of joining a gym again. If we do I will be giving up a little of one of my favorite things, sleep. Going to the gym will require very early mornings. Back in the day I used to get up at 5 and head down for an hours workout before work. We are waiting to see what specials the local gyms throw at us for the new year.

So this year is a new year (duh). We'll see how it goes. This past year threw a lot at us and we survived. As with all new things there is a sense of hope and promise. I just pray that I am disciplined enough to persevere.

Is It Over Yet?

Some days are better than others. Yesterday was a sucky day at work and today is adding up to be just as sucky.

One of the things I don't like about my job is that so much of my stress is caused by others not getting things done and there isn't much I can do about it. I am not a control freak by any means but there are times when I feel like it is just easier to do it all myself. All of it! The problem is I can't do it all. I just can't. As much as I'd like to it ain't gunna happen.

One of two trucks is pulling out of our lot now after sitting here for almost 24 hours. They were supposed to be loaded yesterday and on the road to Seattle to get loaded onto a ship heading to the UK. I've been fielding phone calls from everyone and their brother that has to do with the truck, ship, brokerage, customer, mother, brother, & kitchen sink. Now I'm tired. Is it Saturday yet? Oh wait. I've still got one more fire to watch. There is a good chance I'll be at work on Saturday to load a truck to Canada.

Will I ever look back and say "I miss those days of craziness"? The chance of that is about the same as the media leaving Jamie Lynn Spears alone for the next nine months.