Funny Face

Have you ever seen your face during a sneeze?

Don't!

It really isn't pretty. The contortions the face is capable of all come in to play during the sneezing process. I know you can't keep your eyes open during a sneeze, I've tried. But the whole process before, the pre-sneeze, is still an unattractive site.

I bring this up because of an experience I had in the car the other day. I was on my way home from work driving the curvy road that I take when the weather is good. It is a scenic road that goes through some of Oregon's beautiful and lush farm lands. As is my tradition during the nicer days in Oregon I was chewing on some sunflower seeds. David's, the brand of choice.

Because it is now the height of allergy season, sneezing is a common occurrence for me. I had just put a fresh handful of seeds into my mouth just before a sneeze alert came on. You know the sneeze alert don't you? It is when you take that little breath, purse your lips just slightly, and flare your nostrils. Well, the little breath in, combined with the fresh salt powder from the sunflower seeds, didn't mix so well. The pre-sneeze became a gag and a cough as seeds began to flow to the back of my throat. This is not good. The sneeze didn't care, it was proceeding without being impeded by a gag or a cough. The sneeze held its position as short quick breaths continued to prepare for the pending expulsion.

Remember that I am driving. Not normal driving, curvy road driving. This takes concentration and skill. Both of these were disappearing like Scotch in Mr. Scott's engine room. Instead of him yelling "Capt'n we need more power" he would have been yelling "Watch the road you damn fool". In the split second this all happened I had decided to check my mirrors for any one else on the road I may have put into danger with this coming sneeze. As I did so I saw my face in the mirror. Yikes!!! It looked like Steve Buscemi's face during a Brazilian wax job. If you don't know what a Brazilian wax job is... good for you. If you don't know who Steve Buscemi is... click here. I was lucky to maintain control of the vehicle this time. Who knows I could have been on my second Life Flight in a years time.

Then it started. The sneeze came, blowing sunflower seeds all over my hand and my car. And because I am a Bonham, I didn't sneeze just once... nope... three times in rapid succession. Between each sneeze I quickly checked my course, avoiding glances in the mirror that may repeat the afore mentioned experience. After the third sneeze I waited a moment to be sure it was the last. It was.

I grabbed my water to rid my throat of the powder that was still causing fits in the back of my throat. I looked in the mirror to make sure that face did not stick; as my parents were found of threatening when I made faces at my siblings as a child. It didn't. Phew.

I have recently vowed to turn away and cover my face from others when I sneeze. I don't want to cause any unnecessary scarring or fright. I'll leave that to the professionals.