Pink

Who got the idea that real men wear pink? Not true. Real men do not wear pink for any reason! Not only do they not wear it, they never admit that they like it. Never!

My son (5) now claims pink as his favorite color. He's been brainwashed by our friends son. He cannot reach puberty thinking this way, he'll be slaughtered.

How is it that I know real men don't like pink? Here is my proof. We don't feel blessed when we wash our whites accidentally with a red article of clothing do we? No we don't! We curse and stomp around and turn that clothes into rags to be used to clean up filth. Filth I tell you. That is how I know that pink is not acceptable.

Have you ever heard a guy look at a Mary Kay car and say "sweet ride". No. Because it isn't a sweet ride, it is repulsive. Plus if he did and another guy was present he'd get his butt kicked.

So I've got some work to do with the boy. I've got to undo the corruption of our friends child's influence. I've got to free him from the weakest color ever made. I've got a lot working for me since the rest of him screams all boy.

Wish me luck.

A Little Help

Today I had lunch with a new friend. I had to buy since I mistakenly thought the Ducks could beat the Beavers in a little football game known as the Civil War.

Lunch was good. We ate, we talked, all the normal stuff that happens at lunch. So I thought...

After lunch I hopped in the old Camry to head back to the office. As I checked my review mirror I took a look at myself. There it was. How long had it been there? Did my friend notice? Why didn't he say something? A little boogie was peeking out to say hi. I guess I don't blame him. We haven't known each other that long. Maybe he was too embarrassed. His choice, he was the one that had to look at it.

Is it different to tell somebody they've got a little boogie in their nose than it is to tell them they've got some lettuce in their teeth? Or is it more like telling somebody that their fly is down? You don't want to tell them because it's admitting you looked there.

I write this to tell you all that you have my direct permission to point out a boogie, a gaping fly, or a piece of lettuce. I won't be offended or hurt or embarrassed; just thankful. Thankful that you will be the last to see it before I remedy the sitch thus freeing others from the responsibility to expose or snicker at the slight faux pax.

Spam

Who is it that responds to spam emails? Who is it that is making it worth somebodies while to send out this irritant? I need to know!

I get these emails in every one of my email boxes no matter how hard I try to keep that email from getting public. Somebody out there is to blame.

I get spam that ranges from stock tips and mortgage rates to Nigerian princesses needing a place to stash money and pervs looking for the next sucker to visit their sick little world. I get it everyday and I'll probably keep on getting it because somebody out there opens these and responds which makes it worth the time for the spammer to keep creating these and sending them out.

Or is this the case? Or is it some belligerent angry postal worker who sees the Internet and its free email as a threat to their position of power in this world. A Newmanesque character who has taken it upon themselves to put into the greatness and ease of email a bug or irritant that will drive people back to the arcane slow world of what is now known as snail-mail. It could be. I may be on to something.

If it was up to me I'd take all the spammers in the world and put them on an island that has its own intranet with no access to the Internet. This way they can only spam each other. It would be a life sentence. There would be bread and water and all the computer access they could possibly want. Yes. Spam Hell. No chance of parole.

Of Riffs and Melodies

There is one thing I've noticed about today's music; there are no guitar solo's. Back in the 70's and 80's when I was growing up and refining my musical tastes the guitar solo was a staple. Remember guys like Eddie VanHalen, Eric Clapton, David Gilmour, Slash, etc... I do... and I miss them.

Today's music is good, don't get me wrong, it just lacks that cool factor. The memorable moment of the soaring sounds of an amplified extended riff from a master musician that once delighted our ears are now just that, a memory. Catchy, one line riffs, and clever lyrics have replaced the glorious sounds of the memorable solo that was a necessity for the bit lip air guitar moment that accompanied those awesome moments.

In memory of the guitar solo and in hopes that someone will redeem it I am listing my top twenty favorite solo's of all time. They are in no particular order but they are my fave's:

1. Eruption - Eddie VanHalen (VanHalen)
2. Hot For Teacher - Eddie VanHalen (VanHalen)
3. One - Kirk Hammet (Metallica)
4. Fade To Black - Kirk Hammet (Metallica)
5. Crazy Train - Randy Rhoades (Ozzy Ozbourne)
6. La Villa Strangiato - Alex Lifeson (Rush)
7. Bohemian Rhapsody - Brian May (Queen)
8. Aqualung - Martin Barre (Jethro Tull)
9. Pride & Joy - Stevie Ray Vaughn
10. Voodoo Chile - Jimi Hendrix or Stevie Ray Vaughn
11. While My Guitar Gently Weeps - Eric Clapton (Beatles)
12. Crossroads - Eric Clapton (Cream)
13. Layla - Eric Clapton/Duane Allman (Derek and the Dominoes)
14. Sweet Child O' Mine - Slash (Guns & Roses)
15. November Rain - Slash (Guns & Roses)
16. Cult of Personality - Vernon Reid (Living Colour)
17. Surfing With The Alien - Joe Satriani
18. Stairway To Heaven - Jimmy Page (Led Zepplin)
19. Comfortably Numb - David Gilmour (Pink Floyd)
20. Streams of Conciousness - John Petrucci (Dream Theater)

A couple of these aren't necessarily big solo's but part of instrumentals that just plain rock. There are so many more to choose from. This list represents ones I could recall off the top of my head. Sorry base players and drummers... it's just not the same. Okay except one exceptional drum solo by Neil Peart on YYZ from Rush's live version on Exit... Stage Left.

Image Search

Just for fun I did a Google image search on my last name. I figured for the most part I would get a bunch of John Bonham and Helena Bonham-Carter photo's, and I did. But one photo stuck out.

The caption on the web reads: View looking towards Lambert Road and St. Saviour's Church from Bonham Road. It is in a borough of London.

I kept going and found this one too:

This is a photo of the birth place of James Butler Bonham, the hero of the Alamo, as the website states it.

I just thought these were cool photos.

Search your family name in the images and see what you get.

You Might Be From The Northwest If...

(this is from an old email I had saved because it is funny... and true)

…Feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.

…Use the expression: "sun break" and know what it means.

…Know more than 10 ways to order coffee.

…Know more people who own boats than air conditioners.

…Feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.

…Stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal.

…Consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it's not a real mountain.

…Complain about Californians, as you sell your house for twice its value to one.

…Know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon.

…Know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, Clatskanie and Willamette.

…Consider swimming an indoor sport.

…Can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.

…In winter, go to work in the dark and come home in the dark - while only working 8-hour days.

…Obey all traffic laws except "Keep right except to pass."

…Never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.

…Are not fazed by "Today's Forecast: showers followed by rain" and "Tomorrow's Forecast: rain followed by showers."

…Can't wait for a day with "Showers and sun breaks."

…Have no concept of humidity without precipitation.

…Can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best Coffee, and Veneto's.

…Know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.

…Can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you can't see through the cloud cover.

…Say "the mountain is out" when it's a pretty day and you can actually see it.

…Feel like you've grown up with Bill Gates and can't quite figure out why people can be so mean to him.

…Put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.

…Switch to your sandals when it gets above 60, but keep the socks on.

…Have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.

…Think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.

…Knew immediately that the view out Frasier's window was fake.

AND…

…You know you're from the NW if you buy new sunglasses every year, because you can't find the old ones after such a long time.

Nose Candy

Never, never, never get the sour sugar coating on a Sour Patch Kid up your nose. It hurts.

I had a sneeze coming on and put my hand up to my face to stop it. As I was pressing my index finger across my upper lip I must have inadvertantly snuffed in some residue powder from the Sour Patch Kids I've been snacking on. It burned. My eyes watered and all that good stuff. Nothing I did, short of sucking water through my nostrils, helped.

A few minutes of torture and it was over.

It's Just Too Early

Today I was out and about getting some things for the house. I visited Lowe's, H0me Depot, and Walgreens. All three stores have massive Christmas displays up and prominent in the store. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas, but this started weeks ago and I am already tired of seeing it. It's got my kids in a tizzy over what they want and all that too.

I don't know about now but Nordstrom's used to put up their Christmas decorations on Thanksgiving night. I know because I used to go and help. I respected that. It was their tradition and wasn't too early. Somebody please tell me it is the same today.

The marketing monster that dominates the American landscape is out of control and devours our very soul. It makes "wanters" out of us. Wanters that satisfy every whim and desire without consideration of our true needs. True needs like community, shelter, nourishment, and God. I've not seen him in the Christmas that is currently on display. I've seen the new god of desire represented in a big red suit.

I think another reason people try to bring Christmas so early is because of what it represents in their life. For many it may be the only happy time they remember. It may be the only time they've experienced a sense of joy. Because of this they want it to last longer, to be more prevelent in their life. It is a time that brings what God has for them everyday. Peace, joy, and contentment.

I truly look forward to Christmas. I love the time with family and friends. I love hearing from people we don't see very often. The food is great as are the decorations. I love the story, you know the story, the reason, the baby in the manger. That is the best part. The Gift. The gift that everyone can receive. Please let us remember that.

Brutal Honesty

How much honesty is good? It there such thing as too much candor? Does being fully transparent and honest do good?

I’ll be candid for a moment… I hold back my true feelings and honest opinions and don’t write what I often want to share in this blog. Why? Because! Because of many of the pains in a post that Tracey of Beyond the Pale has written today. You can go there and read her post and my comment on her post. I would often love to write about my job, church, and other experiences but I don’t due to the fear of the repercussions from those that abuse people’s honesty.

I think that there are people I can be totally honest with and people I can’t. The people I can be transparent with are people I trust implicitly. They are people that will not disparage me for my shortcomings and faults, people that will love me despite the fact that I am not perfect. The people I hold back with are all the others. It is a safety net for my well being.

The questions above are very serious and need some serious consideration.

I am going to give this idea some more thought and post more on it when I feel like I’ve processed it a bit more.

Friday Night Fun

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

This meme stolen from Tracey.

So, here’s how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool

My Soundtrack goes like this...

Opening Credits: Better Off - Pete Stewart

Waking Up: Moon Over Me - Roby Duke

First Day At School: Revive Me - Jeremy Camp

Falling In Love: Prince Of Peace - The OC Supertones

Fight Song: Good For You - Third Eye Blind

Breaking Up: Free Speech For The Dumb - Metallica

Prom: Soon As I Get Paid - Keb' Mo'

Life: All That Is Good - Five Iron Frenzy

Mental Breakdown: Where The Streets Have No Name - U2

Driving: A Part: Foreverandever Etc... - David Crowder Band

Flashback: Without Jah, Nothin' - P.O.D.

Getting Back Together: Wanna Be Loved - dc Talk

Wedding: Put Your Lights On - Santana featuring Everlast

Birth of Child: They Can't Take That Away From Me - Charlie Parker

Final Battle: See The Glory - Steven Curtis Chapman

Death Scene: All Creatures Of Our God & King - David Crowder Band

Funeral Song: All Star - Tammy Tolman

End Credits: Changes - Tesla

What Is Fun?

I am at my desk eating a "Fun Size" Three Musketeer Bar. What is "Fun" about a candy bar that is 2" or less in length. I know either my wife or a friend has brought this up recently and now I am ruminating on it. Fun would be a 12" candy bar... a 12" candy bar that I was eating somewhere besides work... an everlasting 12" candy bar that was the perfect blend of caramel and chocolate. Yeah! That would be fun. Wait... even better... a candy bar food fight. Now that would be the funnest of fun (yes I know funnest isn't a word).

You know what isn't fun? It's a 2" candy bar that causes you to eat ten of them to even feel like you've had a candy bar and your tummy gets all rumbly like you've just eaten at Izzy's (karate slam, chop, kick in the head to Matt... yes! take that).